Do not feed the models?

I haven't had much to say lately. I suppose that is because I haven't been doing anything lately.

Just going to school, doing homework, and sometimes hanging out with friends. My life lately has been nothing to blog about. Possibly the only thing I could talk about is my oddly low self esteem recently.
I am not really sure why but recently I have felt terrible about my body. I can think of two reason why I would be a little down but not this bad. I tried on my graduation gown and it made me look like a whale, yeah, that did not help me feel good about myself. And then the other day my mom told me I am gaining weight, she seriously meant I am gaining enough weight to make her question if I am pregnant. Which I am not. I've been sad, so I have been eating, which is making this whole body image thing worse.

I never had a problem with my body. Well, nothing more than a normal girl. My bestfriend since the second grade was a tall blond tan blue eyed athlete. That does not makes you feel good about yourself, but I never hated my body, I was me. I never liked being pale, so my mother allowed me to start tanning (I shall talk about tanning in another post). I paid for it, I went maybe once a week for a few months and then I stopped. That is until I needed a little color for dances, and what not. I am by no means tan but I am also not pale. I am happy. I was never skinny nor was I ever fat. I really did think I was happy with my body. When I was a freshmen and a sophomore I wore a size small and size 3 jean. Now I wear a medium and a size 4 /5. I am by no means fat. I can say that. But I still feel like when people look at me they see someone larger.

I am afraid that I am going to fall back into bad habits. Between freshmen and sophomore year I got really really depressed, and I lost a good bit of weight. I never noticed it, until one day I say a picture of me on a friends Myspace. You could see my ribs and my size small shirts where hanging off of me. I wasn't eating. But honestly, I did not notice. It makes me feel stupid to say that now, but I really did not notice I was skipping meals or that I would go whole days without eating a real meal until I saw that picture.

I know that I am not fat. I just wish I was happy with my body. Also I wish no one in the whole world was ever aloud to say something negative about a person body.