November 8, 2009

It's way to bright

Just woke up, and I feel like shit. Went to a show last night, and it was pretty awkward. Courtney went there to some guy, and spent the whole time flirting with him. He looked like he was 25 or 30. The show it self wasn't my kind of thing, I don't really listen to scream-o music. I might go another one though, since the guy she met is in a band and is playing a show next month.

Last night showed me that I've changed. I love music, and will always love music. But the pot smoke filled cafe is just not were I want to be. There was so much drama just in the small group I was in. And it showed me that I hate being anywhere without my boyfriend. I love talking to people, and getting to know new people, but I'm a flirt and I know I'm a flirt. Now after being in a relationship for 14 months, I'm awkward around guys. I find it hard to talk to new guys, without falling back into the flirty girl I used to be. I would never cheat on him, and I hope he knows that he doesn't have to worry about me. I just wish I knew how to be normal around other guys without thinking I'm going to do something that could be taken wrong. I don't know.




Although last night could have been way better yesterday, day was fun. Hung out with Anthony. Pretty much had the best time of my life. Yeah. If you don't know what I'm hinting at than you shouldn't worry about it. I won't talk about stuff like that much, since I don't think it's a big deal in my life. Couple do couple things, I don't find what I've done to be wrong at all.


He also taught me how to shot a BB gun. I know that sounds pretty lame, I'm almost 18 and I've never shot a BB gun before. It was really fun though, I hit this one bottle a million times. It was a lot of fun, and when I move out of my parents house, I want to learn how to shot a real gun. Just in case. I know that guns have been causing a lot of problems in the world, recently and since forever. But I feel like, if you know what you're doing and you take classes about gun safety, then a gun can be your friend, and can protect you. I don't believe in violence, but I want to know that I'm safe. Anthony has always said he'd protect me no matter what, but I think if I knew how to use a gun than I would know that I could protect me if he wasn't there.


My father got a grandfather clock yesterday. He said I can have it when I move out. YES! I love grandfather clocks I think they are amazing. I'm overly excited about that.

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